Acknowledging the Positive in Yourself

I wanted you to see me
Because I couldn’t see myself

I wanted you to hold me
Because my hands never feel warm to the touch

I wanted you to love me
Because I’d heard love was a beautiful thing

I wanted you to find me
But I’ve been hiding behind so many things

And then I learned that wants are not needs
and desires…fleeting as many childhood memories
You are not me
And now I understand why there is an order to everything

I needed to see myself
For the queen that I am today

I needed to rub my own hands
Together as I prepared to pray

I needed to love me for me
Because self love is quite simply earth shattering

I needed to find me
Because that task is too precious to leave up to anyone other than me.

~ by Nicole Selena


According to the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. One of my strongest love languages is words of affirmation. But I’ve learned that sometimes my tank might reach empty before the next round of affirming and validating words are able to come my way.

During one of those times in my life, sputtering on empty, I realized that you won’t always have a gas station (a family member, friend or co-worker) in which to fill-up. So now I make sure to keep a can with me and I use it regularly. I pour into myself through positive thoughts and even verbal acknowledgement of my strengths.

Many times we are so hard on ourselves, we never give ourselves the proper credit for what we were able to pull off. So you only finished 40% of your to-do list. Well, your to-do list for one day may have been three times the length of someone else’s. You didn’t get to make breakfast for your daughter but when you picked her up from school you listened to every story about her entire day intently. Maybe you didn’t make it to the gym but you made a healthy choice during lunch.

Research time and again has proven the benefits of positive thinking. From building up your immunity to an increase in emotional resiliency and lifespan; thinking positively – not just about your circumstances – but about yourself – can lead to rich rewards. A great article to check out: The Benefits of Positive Thinking.

And lastly, along the lines of the poem above.

How do you expect someone to respect you if you don’t respect yourself?
How well can you receive someone else’s love if you don’t love yourself?
How can you find true peace when you can never forgive yourself?
and how can you find real joy if you first don’t find yourself?

Growth Goal Exercise

While you won’t always need a journal, I think this intentional change in thinking is more easily turned into a habit by first starting with the written word. So for the next week, each evening write down 3 positive things about you! Similar but different to the 3 blessings exercise, this isn’t about nice things that happened. This is about giving yourself credit for your actions or just simply recognizing your strengths and uniqueness.

So I’ll put myself out there and start with my three for today.

1. I’m proud of myself for throwing self-consciousness to the wind. I cried in church, went down to altar call for prayer and then cried some more. I unabashedly wiped my runny-nose with my very convenient head scarf and I must say it all felt really good.

2. I’ve stuck to my goal of writing a growth goal every week. I’ve definitely felt overwhelmed some weeks but I haven’t missed one yet. Personal props to my dedication.

3. I’ve got amazingly good taste in music. Enough said.

Your Turn! Share a few with me. I’m itching to see just how much our world is filled with amazingly beautiful women.

~Nicole Selena